Momaical is a humorous look at trying not to raise a flock of assholes. Cursing & copious coffee involved.

Momaical: [mom-mahy-uh-kuhl] = (Hybrid of Mom and Maniacal.)

1.08.2014

2014 So Far Has Been Nothing But Cleaning

Happy New Year to you! I hope that 2014 has been off to an august start - although since the Polar Vortex has busted it's way into the country I'm sure you're freezing off your patootie.

I'd love to tell you that I've been neglecting my blog because I've been on a tropical island. Or finally putting the novel that's been rolling around in my brain for a while on paper. Or burning through batteries on my Kindle. But, that would be a lie. I've been Christmas-sing and post-Christmas-ing. Which is similar to preparation for an Apocalypse. I swear, I barely had a moment to breathe between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I still have yet to send a few gifts - but I'm totally blaming it on the post office. Damn Polar Vortex.

Lena is a full-fledged hoarder. I spent HOURS combing through her  room trying to jettison garbage and create some form of order to her belongings. 5 garbage bags later.....we are able to find her bed. At least for the next few days. With Emmeline, we are less concerned about hoarding - more worried about kleptomania. Mostly she takes Lena's "favorite" things (which is pretty much everything) and hides them in her room to piss off Lena.

All they have been doing is fighting: full fledged, fist flying, mortal combat. Which, as you can imagine, thrills me beyond a reasonable doubt. So there has been little time to relax, breathe and come to center. "Namas-take that off your head. We do not wear a broken plastic ball as a helmet. And where did you get that???"

Santa did not bring me ONE DAMN THING I asked for this year. Apparently I sucked. In case you missed what I asked for - here's the list on In the Powder Room. I even sang it. Everyone's a critic...


I'm trying to be a better person in 2014. Last year brought on a few too many occasions of binge eating due to inordinate amounts of stress. Healthier fare - more home cooked real meals. I feel badly because my kids always get a quick, thrown together meal. Nothing like the warm, full dinners my mom cooked for us. So this week I've been trying to cook all these delicious meals from scratch. And, they still only want to eat crap for dinner. Assholes.

My resolution this year is to be more tolerant of stupid idiots. However, it's not going well for me. 



I also decided to write a cheeky essay for In the Powder Room about why husbands simply cannot be replaced by dildos. However, if you are in any way, shape or form related to me -  you are not allowed to read it. Not because I wrote anything personal or inappropriate. But mostly because that's creepy. 


I head back to the real world in a few days. But until then I will continue to organize my house, cook food my family bitches about and try to find a few minutes to write something sort of humorous. Any ideas or volunteers to be my muse, please apply. 

Cheers! 


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