Momaical is a humorous look at trying not to raise a flock of assholes. Cursing & copious coffee involved.

Momaical: [mom-mahy-uh-kuhl] = (Hybrid of Mom and Maniacal.)

12.18.2013

A Christmas Carol

I think the reason they have all these Christmas carols is to coax us into believing that the holidays are a joyous occasion. Family gets together around a fire and opens a bounty of gifts. People are thankful for what they receive and celebrate the love they have for each other. Awwwww....isn't that SO Norman Rockwell?

Well, Norman Rockwell does not live in my house. My family does. Christmas is one giant bundle of stress. The kids are pumped for the holiday and act like heathens. Hours of time and ridiculous money spent purchasing presents - yet there's always tears about something not being fair and "I wanted that even though it's a baby toy and I have never ever thought of it".  Epic meltdowns by the over holidayed, exhausted, excited children. Not to mention stress about the visitors coming to stay with you, knowing that criticism looms like a weighted blanket about how you didn't get the perfect gift for a nephew or that your appetizer doesn't cut the muster. As a result of all this stress is stress eating. Which means Happy Holiday Love Handles. Which makes me stressed about seeing people while feeling like the Michelin man -  which makes me eat more. It's a vortex of hideous.

And the CLEANING. Oh, the cleaning. The tree makes a mess daily, the dust from the heat is everywhere - regardless of how frequently you Swiffer. The toy room doubles as the guest room where your in-laws will be sleeping. This means your typical solution of shoving everything in the closet and closing the door as quickly possible to prevent their escape is no longer a valid method of cleaning.

I tried to get an early start on tackling the Mt Everest of laundry that has grown to epic proportions. As I emptied out Emmeline's laundry basket to sort, the clothes were all wet. Eau d'Urine wafted from the pile of dirty size 3T clothing. I realize the clothes are SOAKED in pee.

"Emmeline! Why is your entire laundry basket full of pee???????"

"Oh, dat's because me are a kitty cat and it is me yitter box."

I kid you not, this is everything she peed on - finally no longer being used as cat "yitter"


For the love of all that is holy. Someone please save me....

Here's my Christmas Carol about the 9 Days Til Christmas - it's on In the Powder Room. Please go check it out and share my joy of the holiday season....



Happy Holidays.....hopefully your dog leaves you a special treat under the tree.....



3 comments:

  1. Beautifully hilarious and honest! Oh how true this is!

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  2. Christmas is really over at some point. You've made it! I am exhausted and your holiday sounds a lot like ours. Surprisingly, this year was relatively drama-free. Perhaps it was the absence of in-laws. Can you hear the choir of angels singing?

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  3. Great!! It's realy true!

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