So, we are planning to buy a house before I collapse and die and have my husband just pack my rotting corpse up with the crystal and tupperware. Through the hundreds of houses we have perused I have learned one thing: people do some freaky shit to their homes.
I have seen the following while house hunting:
Taxidermied pets - I know you love Fluffy, but for the love of GOD - let them move on after they pass away. It's like a creepy pet cemetery.
Carpet in strange places. I mean, who is getting up in the top of the closet to vacuum? I barely vacuum the floors people step on - there is no way that space will be anything but a giant dust collector.
Walls painted really hideous and bold colors. One house had an entire wall with the Jamaican flag painted on it. Unless my New Year's resolution was to start smoking copious amounts of weed - this would never work out. The only thing that would take away this amount of bright paint would be a blowtorch.
Complete and utter disasters of houses. Holes punched in walls, feces on the carpet, severe water leakage. I mean - YOU put your house on the market. Do you actually want to sell it? And, unless it is priced at the bargain of the millennium - you need to make it look as pristine as possible for me to consider it. I'm not a fixer-upper kinda girl.
What the fuck is up with all the rooster love?
You know people are going to check out your closets - because closet space is a big deal especially in California where there are no basements and no attics. PUT YOUR SEX TOYS AWAY PEOPLE. I mean, good for you for adding some kink to your love life. But, do you need to brag about it? Yes, we are selling our house to upgrade so we can add a red room of pain - currently we only have a small closet of pain.
People. We have an appointment to view your home. It's not like we just show up unannounced. So, for the 15 minutes we are there - could you please NOT be there? It's very awkward to discuss what we like or dislike about your house in front of you. In fact, we have walked away from a few houses when we are told to come back or wait.
So, the search continues. Who knows how long it will take. However, this house looks promising. I mean, it SAYS it's not haunted...