Spam Spam Eggs and Spam: But I Don't Like Spam!

For those of you who are not enmeshed in the blogging-sphere, there is a whole secret society out there to which I am now going to expose you.  It's an underworld of spammers who spend their lives posting Anonymous comments on blogs in the hopes to leverage off the viewers of your writing. 

Spam is annoying.  It's off topic, generic and oddly placed.  Generally there are grammatical errors and some strange symbols.  They clog up your comments pages and you have to find them to delete them.  Or, you have to set your filter to prevent them (which is why you have to fill out all those freakin annoying numbers and letter combinations to prove you are not a robot). But, that scares people away from commenting - especially since the hieroglyphics you have to discern are almost impossible to crack.

You can tell spammers by comments like this:

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Yes.  Be sure to send everyone my way to enjoy my "pleasant work" as an expert blogger. When I visit your site - will it show me how to also get rid of annoying spammers?

Informative articlе, totally ωhat Ι was loоκing for. Fеel fгee tо surf to my blog auto insurance...
This comment was on my blog post about how my daughter disgusted me at dinner time pretending to be a vampire and sucked the seeds out of her victims (tomatoes).    Yup.  Super informative.

I feature discovered that the great unwashed are multitude no thing what industriousness fifty-fifty know where to start out and how to go just about it.
Um....what?

This one, however, did make me laugh: 
Today, I went to the beaсh front with my chіldrеn. I found a sea shеll and gave it to my 4 year old
daughtеr and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." Ѕhe put thе shell to hеr
ear and screаmеd. Τhere waѕ а heгmit crab nѕiԁe and it pinсhed hеr ear.She nеver wаnts to go bacκ! LoL I know this іs еntiгely оff tορic but I had tо tell ѕomeonе! Нerе is my web blog: bucket trucks.
Funny, yes. But no where near funny enough for me to check out site about bucket trucks.

I think spam should either make you laugh, flattered or so intrigued that you simply can live your life one single second more without clicking on the post - a lot like some of the reviews on Amazon for things like milk, banana slicers and my favorite: Unicorn T-Shirts.

"5.0 out of 5 stars Nice shirt if you're not into details... September 7, 2010

By T. Guymon

I should probably preface this review by stating the obvious: This shirt is clearly meant for people who aren't serious about our one-horned magic friends. I mean, the shirt's fabric construction and lavender color base are terrific, and as a casual-Friday garment, hey, it's better than a stupid Polo shirt. But the devil, as they say, is in the details, so caveat emptor!

First, the grass pictured is quite clearly Italian Ryegrass, and as everyone knows, unicorns prefer to frolic in Dog's Tooth Grass. Second, notice the gray spots on the unicorn's rear flank; are they patterned to look like a fairy? I think not. Third, why is the tip of the unicorn's horn glowing like some defective reindeer's nose??? We all know the horn is pure gold, but if the illustrator was trying to convey this specific coloration, then the whole horn should shine, not just the tip! Fourth, while unicorns transcend space and time, they do NOT exist in a world where it's day AND night simultaneously! A beautiful rainbow AND pretty stars? I mean, who approved this? It's like the shirt's maker is just mocking me...I'll bet he thinks taking Raggedy Ann to one's prom is lame too!!! Fine, shirt guy -- just go ahead and pick me last in dodgeball and tell my parents how I cried in woodshop when the teacher told me to "keep my wood to myself" and I didn't know he was talking about my erection which I couldn't help anyway because I thought about that one episode of The Partridge Family!!!

Anyway, on balance, the shirt's fine for kids and people of lesser unicorn expertise; don't expect too much and you'll be happy with your purchase, just like I was when I bought that ghost costume in Alabama last summer. People really freaked out when I wore that, and it wasn't even Halloween!"

or

Self Esteem Booster May 25, 2010

By B. Schwartz

As I was approaching thirty I realized I haven't done a whole lot with my life and found myself in the middle of an early mid-life crisis. I did a few things to change the way the world perceived me. First thing I did is purchase a 1981 Chevy El Camino with an Edelbrock intake and a number 8 across the hood in honor of Dale (R.I.P.), I pierced my ear, shaved in my rat tail, and most importantly i purchased the Unicorn Castle T-shirt. This shirt has changed the way I view myself and the way the world views me. Girls can't seem to stay away from me to the point that is almost annoying. Something about mystical unicorns make chick think that I am a mystical kind of dude. Many girls have mistaken this shirt for a "My Little Pony" and I quickly have to set them straight. With the rise of Emo music it has made it cool for men to grow their hair long, tease their hair, wear make up and womens clothing so you can imagine how emo i look with a few scars and my purple unicorn shirt. I recommend buying a size smaller than you normally wear and ordering this with a bottle of spray on tan so that you looked extra jacked and tan. NOTE: Girls love mystical guys that are jacked and tan. If you really wanna real them in get a book on palm reading or some tarot cards as well to add to the mysticism of your new persona. Do yourself a favor and purchase this shirt. 3 Wolf Moon is outdated and it is time for a unicorn revolution. It is the unicorns time to shine and shine it does with a beautiful rainbow glistening in the background.

See.  Doesn't it make you want to go to their site to see more?  Spammers.  Take note.