An English Lesson Through Parenting

For those of you who feel that your cherubs are syphoning your brain cells on a daily basis, rest assured that you are indeed using those lessons from English class.  Perhaps EVERY DAY you are a living, breathing example of an English Lesson Through Parenting.


Dependent Clause: "If your father finds out what you've done...."

Imperative: "Brush your teeth RIGHT NOW.  I'm not asking you again."

Causative Verb: "They made me go insane."

Modal Verb: I should work out, but Twitter keeps sucking me in.

Personal Pronoun: "Me are hungwy.  Me needa eat now. No, not dat or dat or dat or dat...."

Ellipses: "In 5...4...3...2...1  That's it.  Time out for you."

Irony: "THE TWO OF YOU NEED TO STOP SCREAMING IMMEDIATELY!"

Sarcasm: "Yeah.  The 'tiger stwipes' on my stomach are great. And I have you to thank for them. Mint."

Hypocrisy: "No, you cannot have a brownie, they aren't healthy.  Don't worry about why I just ate one."

Cacophony: The noise created by four children zipped into a large trampoline. (I can't figure out how to write out crying, screaming, fighting, screeching laughter and whining all into one sentence.)

Hyperbole: "You are the meanest mommy that has ever lived ever in the history of time."

Fable: "You know that children that eat all their dinner become famous gymnasts!"

Present Perfect Continuous:  "Well, I'm exhausted because I've been mommying all day long.  You just went to work."

Antecedent:  I don't care if Hannah brings candy to lunch.  She doesn't have me for a mommy.  Stick your tongue back in your mouth. I will rip it out if I see it again.

Common Grammatical Errors: "Everyone had better pick up THEIR crap from the living room floor or THEY'RE going to be sad when the toys are placed in the garbage over THERE.

Embedded Question: Can anyone tell me where my cell phone is before you run away...?

Zero Conditional: "Bite your sister one more time and there will be NO play date for you tomorrow."


And you said you'd never use those English lessons again....

Reference Materials. 

Not just for throwing at children when they're acting like assholes.

 

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