Rockin' 140 Characters

When I was young you had to admire the heartthrobs from afar.  You put up posters, drooled over them in Seventeen magazine and wrote your first name with their last name all over your Trapper Keeper/Notebook/Gap Satchel - what have you.  You COULD write a fan letter and then research where on God's green Earth to snail mail that proclamation of undying (and unrequited) affection. But, really it was much easier to decide if you were on Team Haim or Team Feldman and which member of the Breakfast Club with whom you were completely enamored. Stalking them brought it to a whole new level of commitment, research, and attention span which I lacked. 



Team Haim ALL. DAY. LONG. (at least, in the 80's)

Nowadays you have insta-stalking tools like Google, Twitter and Facebook.  It makes hunting down celebrities so much easier. You have access to everything from their real names, addresses, social security numbers, blood type and pre- and post-surgery photos.  You can learn about their wants, their needs and their morbid fear of frogs.  You are your own celebrity private investigator and the only thing it costs you is your social life! 

But the best part about social networking is that you get to be up close and personal with any celebrity you wish to stalk. I mean, send love to.  For example I can send Joe Manganiello a tweet that says: "@JoeManganiello I wanna grind your ass like Hamburger Helper."  What the hell does that even mean?  No fucking clue.  But it doesn't matter because I can send it to him at midnight on a Tuesday if I feel like it.   And he will even read it!  I know this because he TWEETED IT TO ME!  See???

Joe Manganiello @joemanganiello

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone out there in twitterland who take the time to write fun positive messages on my board! Joe Manganiello @joemanganiello I may not be quick enough to read them all or respond to them all but it really means a lot to me. Thank you! And I'm busting my a$$...

I know it says "everyone" but secretly it's just for me.  See how he's half-winking?  That's our thing.

I would TOTALLY be stalking my dreamboat, Simon Baker.  But, apparently he is  not ready for the world to know of our love affair and has not joined the Twitterverse.  Sigh...

And, the best part: celebrity hotties might even FOLLOW YOU BACK! Which is a testament to the world how into you they really are. You *might* actually get a chance to use that Hall Pass from your husband.  You know the one where you said "If so-and-so wanted to sleep with me I could and you  wouldn't get mad." and he agreed to because he never imagined it would EVER come to fruition.  Yeah.  That one.

Unless we're talking about Adam Levine who for whatever reason refuses to follow his stalker self-professed soul mate: Shannon from My Brain On Kids (Here's her HIGH-LARIOUS letter to him on my other site: The Epistolarians).  A few of us tried to peer pressure him on Twitter to follow Shannon and he was all "I'm Adam Levine. I eat super models for lunch and cannot be bothered following people like you common folk". Ok, I'm not entirely sure that's what he was like, because he didn't cave to our persuasive goading.  Which I CANNOT believe because we were simultaneously charming and a little scary during our Twitterlution:

Tracy @ Momaical.com @Momaical

Dear Hunk O'Burnin' Love (aka @adamlevine) Please friend @mybrainonkids. (Twittering my eyelashes)   Chewylicious @chewyleecious @Momaical @RoshniAaMom @BakngInATornado Good Morning! xoxoxo Come ON PR person for @adamlevine like my friend already! --> @mybrainonkids   Tracy @ Momaical.com @Momaical @adamlevine Tick to @mybrainonkids tock. Boat to her dock. Sweet to her low. Ass to her hole. Um... nevermind. Doesn't always work.   MyBrainOnKids @mybrainonkids I know all my anal itching and panty talk was probably a huge turn on for you @adamlevine...I'm kinda shocked you aren't following me yet.   Roshni AaMom @RoshniAaMom @adamlevine you gotta be kidding me if you haven't followed @mybrainonkids yet!! @chewyleecious @BakngInATornado @Momaical will be in touch   Tracy @ Momaical.com @Momaical Delicious man-candy @adamlevine @mybrainonkids is dying (not really) and her only wish is for you to friend her. Please do the right thing.   I'm totally shocked this peer pressure didn't completely convince him that he should follow and perhaps even procreate with Shannon!  Maybe we go all old school on his ass and flood his mailbox full of chopped up magazine letters and a pair of granny panties or something?  Until then, we'll keep collecting bail money (just in case). Oh, and Joe Manganiello - I know you're busting that hot a$$ of yours.  Just keep half winking at me until the world is ready to know about our shallow love affair. At least until Simon Baker is ready.