Can I Have Extra Shaving Cream With Mine?

When I was in college there was a restaurant called the All Night Eggplant.  You could literally order anything you wanted to go into an omelette. The place was always packed and was open around the clock.  Many of us use to go there after a hard night of...studying.  It was terrific people watching because the drunk asses would order the most vile combinations of foods to be cooked into a pile of eggs.  The more intoxicated they were, the more bizarre the food choices became:

"Um, yeah.  I'll take an omelette with chili, tuna and chick peas.  And some guacamole on the side."

And, their drunk ass companions were all like - "Dude. That sounds AWESOME! I'll take mine with peanut butter, corned beef, and a lemon poppy seed muffin squashed up into it. Do you have any hot fudge?"

Like I said, great people watching and even more revolting food consumption. It was like Fear Factor: The After Party Edition.  Until I came to realize that dining with children is very similar to a menu envisioned by a room full of hungry binge drinkers.

Last night Emmeline added Edge Gel Shaving cream to her crepe and fresh fruit. She informed me "Dis is Daddy's shay-bin cweam. And, it is NOT tasty." Which clued me into the fact that I needed to stop cooking immediately and review her study on which grooming products may or may not double as condiments.  Thankfully I caught her prior to her first bite because everyone knows stuff tastes better when wrapped in a crepe.

She has been seen sucking toothpaste right out of the tube. 

She likes to dip blueberry waffles in "wanch dwessin".

She eats giant chunks of butter and packets of jelly.  With a knife.  Be it a "pwastic kids knife" - less conventional than a spoon.

She eats entire vegetables and fruits. Stem, seeds and all. 

I am currently curbing my food consumption in a feeble attempt to shed a few unhealthy post-Christmas pounds.  I am so hungry at times that these food combinations are actually starting to sound delicious.

Beef-a-roni eaten with a string cheese as your utensil and then swished around in your mouth with orange juice?  Sure! Sign me up! Sounds way better than this Lean Cuisine I was planning on having.  But could you please hold the Mitchum?  I had deodorant with lunch.