Shut the Fucupcakes

Announcer: Are your kids robbing you of your will to live?  Is the boss riding your ass about your lame attempt at getting your job done?  Slumlord threatening eviction because of late rent?  Sure, you could pack up your belongings in a Hefty and head for your parents basement.  Before you make that investment in plastic luggage, why don't you try Shut the Fucupcakes! 

From the makers of "SWASS Be Gone" Personal Hygiene Spray and "Bubbling Vajayjay" Sparkling Douche - it's Shut the Fucupcakes! 

Mother-In-Law:  I can't believe my son married you.  He was dating such a lovely girl before you came along and ruined things.  Whatever happened to her?  I think she became a supermodel/doctor/humanitarian.

Continue to let her weave you a giant loser cape of insults.  Or, you could try Shut the Fucupcakes.

Mother-In-Law:  My son never told me you baked.  They're probably not as good as mmmph, mmph, mppph."

Shut the Fucupcakes are a MUST for so many occasions.

Dickhead Neighbor: Hey, douche bag.  Cut your freakin lawn.  Jimmy Hoffa could be buried under there.

Drag the lawn mower out of its rusty coma in the shed. OR serve up a batch of Shut the Fucupcakes.  It's your choice.

Dickhead: You can't be serious.  You're giving me dessert instead of mowing?  Mmm, disisgood, mmm, umm, munch." Hand that satisfied customer a scythe and send him on his way!

Is life throwing you lemons?  Bake them into Shut the Fucupcakes!

Therapist: We need to talk about your child's behavior.  He is beginning to show homicidal tendencies...

Shut the Fucupcake STAT!

Therapist: We are considering major shock therapy for his bhavomunch umm umm.

Shut the Fucupcakes are perfect for every occasion. Why spend thousands of dollars on a wedding cake, when you can serve Shut the Fucupcakes!

Best Man: I have seen some the groom do some fucked up shit.  Remember the time in New Orleans with the transvestite hooker - What the Fucupcakes? But I haven't finished my speech, Yum, um, nomnomnom."

Car is making some weird noise and turning up the radio isn't making it go away? Shut the Fucupcakes to the rescue! Shove A CAR-amel Shut the Fucupcake on that tail pipe and drive your problems away.

And, don't forget Mommy's Little Helper: Bite Sized Shut the Fucupcakes! Now in Chocolate and Marshmallow Fluff. 

Whiny Tiny Person: Waaaaaaahhhhhmmph, mmph, mmph.

Wife: Honey - why is there a woman at our door holding a mini version of you in her arms?

Shut the Fucupcakes: For All of Life's Little Emergencies.

 

 

Disclaimer: Shut The Fucupcakes may not actually make people shut the fuck up.