Momaical is a humorous look at trying not to raise a flock of assholes. Cursing & copious coffee involved.

Momaical: [mom-mahy-uh-kuhl] = (Hybrid of Mom and Maniacal.)

10.19.2012

Shut the Fucupcakes

Announcer: Are your kids robbing you of your will to live?  Is the boss riding your ass about your boring job?  Slumlord threatening eviction because of late rent?  Sure, you could pack up your belongings in a Hefty and head for your parent’s basement.  Or you could try Shut the Fucupcakes! 

From the makers of "SWASS Be Gone" Personal Hygiene Spray and "Bubbling Vajayjay" Sparkling Douche - it's Shut the Fucupcakes

Mother-In-Law:  “I can't believe my son married you.  He was dating such a lovely girl before you came along and ruined things.  Whatever happened to her?  I think she became a supermodel/doctor/humanitarian.”

Sounds like you could use Shut the Fucupcakes.

Mother-In-Law:  “My son said you never cook – unlike his last girlfriend who was a gourmet chef...  They're probably not as good as mmmph, mmph, mppph."

Shut the Fucupcakes are a MUST for so many occasions.

Dickhead Neighbor: “Hey, douche bag.  Could you LEAVE your garbage cans out any longer? And, maybe you could mow your lawn once and a while, you prick.”

Drag the lawn mower out of its rusty coma in the shed. OR serve up a batch of Shut the Fucupcakes.  It's your choice.

Dickhead: “You can't be serious.  You're giving me dessert instead of mowing?  Mmm, disisgood, mmm, umm, munch." 

Is life throwing lemons at your head?  Bake them into Shut the Fucupcakes!

Therapist: We need to talk about your child's behavior.  He is beginning to show homicidal tendencies...

Shut the Fucupcake STAT!

Therapist: We are considering major shock therapy for his bhavomunch umm umm.

Shut the Fucupcakes are perfect for every occasion. Why spend thousands of dollars on a wedding cake, when you can serve Shut the Fucupcakes?

Best ManI have seen some the groom do some fucked up shit.  Remember the time in New Orleans with the transvestite hooker - What the Fucupcakes? But I haven't finished my speech, Yum, um, nomnomnom."

And, don't forget Mommy's Little Helper: Bite Sized Shut the Fucupcakes! Now in Chocolate and Marshmallow Fluff. 

Whiny Tiny Person: Waaaaaaahhhhhmmph, mmph, mmph.


Wife: Honey - why is there a woman at our door holding a mini version of you in her arms?

Shut the Fucupcakes: For All of Life's Little Emergencies.




Disclaimer: Shut The Fucupcakes may not actually make people shut the fuck up. 

26 comments:

  1. I love this! I would especially use them on my boys.

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  2. Oh, my god! I'm laughing so hard I think my freaking bladder's about to fall out!!! (Maybe if I read it again, it will! One can only hope.)

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  3. How do I get me a batch? excellent..... worth the wait and the pre jizz chat!

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  4. Martha, sorry about your bladder!

    Tracy, this is funny as hell!! I want a dozen Shut The Fucupcakes for my kid's next birthday party!!

    Nomnomnom....

    Teri

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  5. Recipe please???

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  6. Wow -- I need some now...and I needed them yesterday...and last week...and...

    Seriously though -- can you imagine the moolah you would make on those?!?

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  7. Awesome, just awesome... I desperately need these for Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends!

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  8. I'm making a list of people, I'll let you know how many dozen I need!

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  9. They'll be available for sale soon enough... Get your preorders in early!

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  10. Omfg! LOVED IT! And I'd like to order 37 dozen!

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  11. Do you ship? We have a big family dinner coming up.

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  12. Holy shitballs. I need these STAT!! Love it!

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  13. HAHAHAHA How can you be so funny!!

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  14. Love it! Can you please ship a supersized load to Ann Coulter? Thanks!

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  15. I need a Suspersized batch. STAT! Where do I get the recipe?

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  16. new from hostess...
    could save the company

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  17. Love this!! And I agree with Wyman, you could totally have saved Hostess.

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  18. Brilliant - I need some. STAT!

    Just curious, but what happens if you serve Shut The Fucupcakes with a nice cup of Shut the Fuck Up? Does it double the experience, or will they cancel each other out?

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  19. Yes, I'd like to order a dozen along with the STFU coffee or tea to go. I have need of them both. Now.

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  20. I need an order of these. STAT!!!

    You are hysterical, by the way.

    Thanks for linking up today!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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  21. I loved this post the first time I read it, and it's even better the second time around. Happy New Year!

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  22. I am laughing!! What a great idea. Seriously. I can think of so many uses for them. So glad you linked this up with us over at "Finding the Funny"! Hope you stop by next month. :) (Following you now!)

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  23. HA HA HA HAHA Best post ever! Definitely sharing this one, absoltely love it! xo.

    Sarah
    girlfriendshoes.com

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  24. I like the disclaimer at the end. B/c I would sue your ass if I got them & they didn't work!

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  25. Can I buy one batch and get a second one for just shipping and processing?

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