To: Mr. Sandman
Time: 2:13 am
Dear Mr. Sandman:
Hi there! I know you're very busy and all - getting all those millions of people to sleep. However, it appears you've missed me tonight. I can't shut my brain off and really need it to stop. I've already done all the things I can think of to relax but they're not working. If you could please swing back and sprinkle some of that fairy dust on me I'd really appreciate it. I can still get a good 5 hours of sleep in before the kids get up and survive the day.
To: Manly Mr. Sandman
Time: 3:07 am
Hey Mr. Sandman -
Did I offend you with the fairy dust comment? Because I'm still awake. I mean, I was able to remember the name of the movie with Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan (Knocked Up) and the lyrics to Let's Hear It For The Boy - which I haven't heard since middle school. And, I was able to stress about 3,476 things that haven't happened yet. Which was great and all. But, I really didn't need to do any of these things. So, if you're angry about the fairy dust thing - I meant to say that you're very manly and please come whack me with a 2x4 or smash a beer can on my forehead - whatever it is you need to do to help shut off my brain so I can get at least 4 hours of sleep in before the cherubs are awake.
To: Mr. Asshole
From: Bitter Bitch
Time: 4:27 am
Hey Fucker. Yeah you suck. Ok? Clearly you don't have any kids because you are an ugly, mean son of a bitch and no one will procreate with you. Because if you had any kids or ever got laid in your life you would have let me go to sleep at 9:30 when I was so freakin tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. But you didn't. Now I have to deal with the damn kids with no fucking sleep which is already difficult enough with a full nights sleep. So, fuck you - ok?
To: Fabulous Sandman
From: Repentant Tracy
Time: 4:43 am
I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. Please. Please. Please come help me fall asleep. I need at least one REM cycle and I can survive the day. Please. For the love of God. I am begging.
5:52: "Mommy! Guess what! Bunnies yike cawits! Me are wake and wanna watch Diego! Go Diego Go!"
Sigh...and begin. I am so going to bed at 8:00 tonight.