To: Mr. Sandman
From: Tracy
Time: 2:13 am
Dear Mr. Sandman:
Hi there! I know you're very busy and all - getting all those millions of people to sleep. However, it appears you've missed me tonight. I can't shut my brain off and really need it to stop. I've already done all the things I can think of to relax but they're not working. If you could please swing back and sprinkle some of that fairy dust on me I'd really appreciate it. I can still get a good 5 hours of sleep in before the kids get up and survive the day.
Thanks!
Tracy
To: Manly Mr. Sandman
From: Tracy
Time: 3:07 am
Hey Mr. Sandman -
Did I offend you with the fairy dust comment? Because I'm still awake. I mean, I was able to remember the name of the movie with Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan (Knocked Up) and the lyrics to Let's Hear It For The Boy - which I haven't heard since middle school. And, I was able to stress about 3,476 things that haven't happened yet. Which was great and all. But, I really didn't need to do any of these things. So, if you're angry about the fairy dust thing - I meant to say that you're very manly and please come whack me with a 2x4 or smash a beer can on my forehead - whatever it is you need to do to help shut off my brain so I can get at least 4 hours of sleep in before the cherubs are awake.
Love,
Tracy
To: Mr. Asshole
From: Bitter Bitch
Time: 4:27 am
Hey Fucker. Yeah you suck. Ok? Clearly you don't have any kids because you are an ugly, mean son of a bitch and no one will procreate with you. Because if you had any kids or ever got laid in your life you would have let me go to sleep at 9:30 when I was so freakin tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. But you didn't. Now I have to deal with the damn kids with no fucking sleep which is already difficult enough with a full nights sleep. So, fuck you - ok?
To: Fabulous Sandman
From: Repentant Tracy
Time: 4:43 am
I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. Please. Please. Please come help me fall asleep. I need at least one REM cycle and I can survive the day. Please. For the love of God. I am begging.
5:07: Zzzzzzz
5:52: "Mommy! Guess what! Bunnies yike cawits! Me are wake and wanna watch Diego! Go Diego Go!"
Sigh...and begin. I am so going to bed at 8:00 tonight.
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Perfect! Love it! Erin
ReplyDeleteLOL! This is so true!! I find I'm having this conversation everything. Although I sometimes nod off and get woken by strange noises which I pray to be the wind they always turn our to be people.
ReplyDeleteOooooooh Nooooo...I can so relate to this! It is a rare thing when my kids all sleep through the night, but when they do, it's like my internal clock is so used to zero sleep that I am awake. Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. Thanks for the laugh -- I needed it...since one of my kids was up all night coughing with a nasty cold. Thank God for coffee.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that, it does suck balls. Hard. I do hope you are able to sneak in a nap. Even if it's during a commercial. :)
ReplyDeleteTeri
Yep that was me Saturday night. I watched the clock all night. Insomnia sucks! Love this post!!!
ReplyDeleteLivin' that today...
ReplyDeleteDid you get sleep last night? What I had written yesterday (before my phone decided to crap out and freeze on this) was I was on day three of no sleep, I had sex with The Big Guy just so he would leave me alone because I was in no way in the mood, I maybe spoke 50 words to anyone in the house and felt like the biggest, baddest b-i-t-c-h in the world.
ReplyDeleteAre we ready for that girls weekend yet? In theory we should be stress free (who cares if our husbands know what shampoo to use in the girls hair) and totally under the influence of alcohol. I am ready when you are.
xoxo
The sandman is a vindictive one... I swear a cocktail of simply sleep and melatonin
ReplyDelete