"Yeah, I am totally dressing up as a Strawberry Sexcake."
"I'm gonna be Blueberry Slut-Muffin! Can you pass me that juice box?"
When did Halloween become I Wanna Be a Ho-loween? I mean, yes, we used any chance we could in college to get all hookered up and hit some fraternity party. But, we were in COLLEGE not kindergarten! That's when it's okay to rock a Pimps and Ho's party. Or, be a sexy librarian/nurse/taxidermist on a Tuesday. It's part of the rites of college life so you get it out of your system and then can become a contributing member of society after graduation. It's expected.
What's not expected is for me to have to weed through the assortment of costumes to find the least promiscuous outfit for my 5 year old to wear for Halloween. Long gone are the days of the plastic suit that you put on over your clothes. The plastic Wonder Woman mask that got all slimy from breathing through that little cut out. And, you had to use sonar to figure out where you were going because the eye holes were always off. The flimsy string that held the mask that was your entire identity broke off around house #3 anyway. Not to mention, growing up in Rhode Island, Halloween was always cold. So, you had to wear your winter jacket trick or treating. "Aren't you a nice...um...thing with red pants..."
Costume industry FAIL. I literally rejected slutty vampires, Skankensteins, whorewolves, ho-beaux (aka princesses). If there's a T in the size the costume should be cute, sweet and innocent.
Why is it so wrong for children to hang on to innocence for as long as we possibly can let them? Aren't kids growing up too quickly as it is? They have the rest of their lives to deal with body image and adult choices. Can't they just stay young past preschool? I don't even want to think about a few years when they will actually want to dress like a floozy for the event. Their only costume choices will be nuns. And, not slutty nuns with bad habits. Just regular old nuns. With a Glock-toting-Harley-riding-hole-digging "Father" two steps right behind them - just in case Little Red Riding Ho is recruiting with Ho White.
|Come join me and the 7 Doxies for your tricks...|