There you were, mingling among the Naked and Odwalla. At first glance you appeared shy, reticent to be among the fruity celebrities. But you're COCONUT! You're a star all on your own. You're sweet, delicious and smell divine. People pay lots of money to drink alcoholic beverages out of your shell. You're in my conditioner. You're in my cooking oil. I'd bathe in you if it were socially acceptable. And there you are. Right in my line of vision. And, in drinkable water form. Sparkling too!!! That's like adding a dash of fairy soul to the perfect beverage!!!!
I excitedly looked around and realized you were checking me out too. Really? Me?!? Wow! I mean, who am I? Just a nobody in the right place at the right time. You were MINE for the taking! I rushed with you to the cashier before you changed your mind. I catapulted the bags of groceries in the trunk, anxious to get you alone.
It took a few tries to get your cap off - but I was so excited about the event to follow it was worth the anguish. Finally, it was time. I threw myself unabashedly into the act. And now I feel dirty, used and lied to.
I was expecting the drink form of Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion. Like the beach. Like vacation. Relaxation rolled in coconut and dipped in heaven. Instead, what tickled my tonsils was what I imagine would be like drinking from an iguanas catheter.
I mean how DARE you call yourself coconut. You're nothing LIKE coconut. You're the Ru Paul of coconut - A Beautiful Tall Drink of Lies. Just one big Cock-a-nut tease.
For shame, "coconut" drink. For shame.
Unkind regards,
Tracy
Posts
That bad? Looks healthy... Heathly stuff either tastes like crap or gives you the craps
ReplyDeleteYeah. It was all one big lie that left a bad taste in my mouth.
DeleteYuck!! Sorry Tracy.
ReplyDeleteTeri
Sometimes life sucks that way, Teri. ;)
DeleteI have tears in my eyes from enjoying this so much. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThanks Meredith! xo
DeleteThis was very cute. :) Sorry to hear the drink was a disappointment. :)
ReplyDelete