Checking my watch, I scurry around the house, picking up the odds and ends my children have strewn throughout the first floor. The dishwasher is running, fruit is cut up for a nice snack, and beverages are cooling. I pause in the mirror, smoothing down a wayward strand of hair. I'm as ready as I'm going to be for this. The doorbell rings and butterflies perform the Macarena in my stomach. My daughter has set me up on a blind date. And they have arrived.
A tiny blonde girl runs through my living room and heads to the backyard with my girls. Let the date begin. Because essentially that's what it is: a blind date set up by the kids. I'm being introduced to new people through my daughter in the hopes that the Moms will drink the school Kool Aid and allow them to play. But, this Kool-Aid isn't spiked - which would make the event less awkward. It's actual Kool-Aid - with the crunchy residual sugar.
At the end of the small chat - you hope you walk away with a new girlfriend or at least a few easy hours of entertainment for your kids. However, there are days that you meet with these new moms and you have NOTHING in common with them. The entire play date is forced and painful. Everyone is watching the minutes drag by like wounded snails. You just sit around and smile and excuse yourself to see if you can escape out a fire exit. "Looks like a great time to pick up smoking! I'll be out front slowly killing myself which will be less excruciating than this play date."
Or, they are people you would never, ever be friends with in a zillion years: "May I offer your child and you something to drink?" "Is it organic? Freshly squeezed? We import all of our beverages from the Pyrenees Mountains. Nothing but the best for my kids." Oh. So. No Kool-Aid?
But, with some moms, it's more like a job interview:
"I have reviewed your Mom resume. While your references are impressive, I can't help but notice that your child is an asshole. That being said, we don't want your family's assholiness to rub off on my cherub. Let's just smile plastic acknowledgements, say we're going to get together, but not really ever follow through on it, 'kay?"
Today's play date Mom excused herself a little while after she arrived under the guise of running home quickly. Practically crawled out of the bathroom window to escape - maybe even picked up a bad habit or two just to get out. She never returned. She even sent her husband to pick up their daughter. I'm guessing she won't be calling again soon... Maybe Peach Mango was a bad choice. Should have gone with the Cherry.