My Rapid Descent Into Delusion (And Back)

Lena joined my husband on a business trip last week.  His meetings took him across the country close to his parents.  So, Lena was able to spend time with them while he tackled meetings that began early in the morning and lasted long into the evening.  I was excited for the opportunity for Lena to see my in-laws but was a complete wreck about the pending trip on the days leading up to their departure.  Emmeline and I were going to be on our own for a week for the first time ever.

The (very early) morning of I trudged downstairs as my eldest daughter and husband dragged their suitcases outside for the first steps of Lena's first adventure without me.  I hugged her fiercely and kissed her little face a million times and then she left me crying in the doorway. And, thus began my rapid descent into delusion.

Stage One: Extreme Anxiety
I am convinced something bad is going to happen and I am not there.  I have a headache like you read about.  I am shaking like I've just watched hours of seizure inducing Japanese cartoons.  My cell phone is my only lifeline to her.  "No you can't watch Super Why on my phone.  Lena might call!"  I am a disaster in flip flops until my 5 year old's plane lands. What if...what if...what if....

Stage Two: Sadness
My baby is on an adventure without me... This is the longest I have been away from her... Sigh... Tears... Depression....  What if something happens? I mean, yes, her father is with her. And, yes, in a crisis he is FAR more prepared to handle dire or dangerous circumstances.   But that's my baby girl!  More tears... Sleeping....Snuggles with Emmeline...

Stage Three:  Acceptance
Oh, what is that sound I hear?  Silence?  No whining?  A tiny voice talking to her baby "Lemonade" but no fighting?  No one is crying?  Just one toddler playing nicely?  Breathe in, breathe out...om.... Let's change out the fish tank.  It will be nice to clean it and add a few new mollies to our family.  That may pep up my mood!

Stage Four: Accomplishment
I will keep busy so I don't fall back into depression because I am missing my people.  I will CLEAN!  I will PROJECT!  I will cross things off my To Do List!  Emmeline and I tackle the house.  We unpacked boxes still leftover from the move.  We gathered 5 giant bags of toys and clothes to donate.  We hung things that needed to be hung on walls and finished decorating rooms and organizing everything we own.  We went one project too far and ended up with a hole in the wall.  Oops.

Iwillkeepbusyiwillkeepbusyiwillkeepbusy and spend a lot of money doing this. 

Stage Five: Delirium
I CAN DO IT ALL AND CREATE MEMORIES DAMMIT!  Let's have a tea party!  Let's hot glue gun works of art for your walls! Pinterest away! Let's garden and "fall-ify" our house!  Let's get pumpkins and berry-thingies and candles and... What else can I do? I know! I will take the curtains down and sew matching frocks for my girls with the material! Who cares that I can't sew?  Not me!  I can just make togas!  Those Romans knew how to par-tay!  Woo hoo!

Stage Six: Delusion
Today is the day my husband and daughter are coming home!  HOORAY! When they get here, the house will ring will laughter!  We will hug and do more projects together and eat gourmet food and actually dry my hair and wear makeup! My husband will gape at all the work we have done in amazement and rush off to bring me back something sparkly in a blue and white box.  He will shout off the rooftops how lucky he is to have a wife that just single handedly raised the value of the entire neighborhood with her projects!  Lena will weep with joy at how clean and organized her room is!  She will hug Emmeline in sheer astonishment at the gorgeous new fish tank complete with mermaid and castle!  And they will laugh until they stop and play babies together without any crying! They will SHARE! World peace will be established and NSYNC will get back together!

Stage Seven: And...back
My people arrive home at midnight after a several hour delay.  Lena is crying because she is tired from a long trip.  We all go to bed for a few hours until Emmeline runs into the room at 4am and yells "Hooway!  I wakey! And, me are big and scaped me kibby!"  Lena wakes up crying because she misses her Grammy.  She is crying because we "ruined" her fish tank.  She is crying because her stuff "got squished" on the flight home.  It's not fair that Emmeline had special crafts in her room.  Emmeline is crying because Lena won't share her new "akeup."  Lena is crying because Emmeline scratched her trying to get her "yipstick."  My husband hasn't said a thing about all the blood, sweat, tears and holes that I have slaved over all week.  When I bring it up he shrugs and says "I saw it. It's good."  Yeah.  That fell slightly south of the pomp and circumstance I was hoping for.  It's only 8am and I'm already ready for bed. I have a headache the size of Egypt.  I sip my coffee to the sound of hysterical wailing about stickers while my husband complains about how exhausted he is. 

Ahhhh....my family is home....

She is armed with a glue gun and considered very dangerous. 
 



As a matter of fact, I DO need 7,000 tiny pumpkins!