Momaical is a humorous look at trying not to raise a flock of assholes. Cursing & copious coffee involved.

Momaical: [mom-mahy-uh-kuhl] = (Hybrid of Mom and Maniacal.)


You Want Me To Do WHAT With That Belt?

I decided that I have had enough of feeling fat and gross.  I had fluffed up during the winter.  It was time to take action!  We belong to an amazing health club - so I really have no excuse.  I could blame kids, moving, lack of time...but really I just fell into a rut.  It was time to climb out and take responsibility for my weight loss instead of lamenting my 5 (ok 10) pounds of self-esteem crusher.  I have set the goal of my wedding weight (120 lbs) and am giving myself 3 months to achieve this.  So, Monday began the Summer of Tracy! 

I decided to start with yoga for a few days.  I have a tendency to go all crazy in the beginning and then grow tired of it in a few weeks.  So, to combat that I am easing my way into the gym.  The first class went well. I remembered the poses and wasn't embarrassingly out of shape.  I left feeling invigorated and ready to do this!

Day two - yoga again.  This time with a different instructor as they switch daily, but still a beginners class.   I grab my mat, my water and am ready to get my namaste on.   We arrive and the instructor tells us to grab a belt, block and a roller.  They also always want us to get a blanket (Ew! I find the blankets creepy!).  But, always the eager student (or lemming) I follow suit and then place it away from me in case there are any bugs or sweaty yogi yuck on it.

The instructor then begins to explain what we are going to do with all these props.   I guess I didn't read the fine print of the class closely enough.  Apparently I was taking the 50 Shades of Grey Yoga class.  Holy cow. 

She started off by having us tie the belt into a loop which we hooked first under our feet - the soles of our feet were pressed together.  Next, we tied the belt around our lower backs - making us look like a group of awkward frogs.  Then we had to place the roller under our shoulder blades while lying down on the mat.  We had the block under our heads like hard pillows.  We are supposed to be opening ourselves up, relaxing and finding our center.  I can't stop laughing at how completely inappropriate I feel. I mean, I'm all tied up, curled over a roller with my head on a block.  The class looks like a B (or C or D) grade porn.  Bom chicka wah wah!

"Take a deep breath in and release all that is binding you."  Binding you? Bahahahahaha!  All these people are taking these deep breaths and gravelly exhalations.  A few moans even escape.   And here I am, giggling like a teenager at this whole experience. I cannot wait for this S&M, I mean yoga class to end.  Are people standing outside Studio 1 (apparently aka the Mirrored Room of Pain) watching this?!?  Probably because it was the 5:30 pm class and the gym is packed! 

Did it stretch out my back?  Absolutely.  It worked beautifully on my upper back and realigned my spine in my lower back.  So, clearly it was a good stretch.  

I guess I'm still too immature to take yoga.  Sigh.  Back to the treadmill...


  1. Haha that's awesome! I've never been a yoga fan. I feel too goofy. Same with Zumba. Good luck on your weight loss journey though! I'm right there with ya girl :)

    1. Thanks Sarah! I suck at Zumba too, but have a lot of fun doing it! Somehow this whole lack of coordination, grace and timing seems to get in my way... Thanks so much for reading!

  2. Bwah ha ha ha! Yes...I know exactly what you speak of.....loved this post!! Giggled maniacally...which is appropriate...

    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate you checking out my blog!


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