Momaical is a humorous look at trying not to raise a flock of assholes. Cursing & copious coffee involved.

Momaical: [mom-mahy-uh-kuhl] = (Hybrid of Mom and Maniacal.)

6.21.2012

Is Yoga Really Enough?

I'm standing next to the door waiting for the class to begin.  I'm starting to feel comfortable with my beginner yoga basics and even toying with the idea of taking a more challenging Vinyasa class.  I have a headache from my ponytail being too tight. Or, maybe it's from the toddler meltdown that I have just enjoyed for the last two hours.  Either way, I relax, comfortable in the knowledge that I'm heading closer to my space where I can have an hour to myself without having to wipe anything gross off another human.  I have my yoga mat in hand and am waiting for the class before's savasana to come to an end to begin my calm.

Suddenly I feel someone come up too close behind me.  My husband whispers in my ear "What the hell are they doing? Taking a nap?  Is that what you do in there?  Just lie around and sleep? They need to rename this from Yoga to Milling Around."

This is the constant debate in my home. My husband believes that yoga is just an hour of wasting time by relaxing. Naysayers say that it's just aggressive stretching - especially those crazy Crossfit kick-your-own-ass-ers.  Yoga aficionados say yoga is a complete workout that will get every muscle in your body in shape if practiced correctly and with regularity.  Stars like Madonna, Christy Turlington and Jennifer Aniston swear by it to keep their bodies in pristine physical condition. (And, yes, of course they have personal trainers, nutritionists, stylists, great DNA - all these things that I don't working in their favor).   Many dietitians say maintaining your weight is 70% diet and 30% exercise.  Can that exercise only be yoga instead of cardio and weightlifting?  Or, do you have to be super-crazy-yogaholic-put-my-head-up-my-own-ass-while-floating-three-feet-in-the-air yogi to get any results?

In the last month of 4-5 hours weekly of classes, I have noticed beginning muscle definition and strength in my core and upper body.  I can go into plank position for more than 3 seconds now - maybe even 5 entire seconds - without shaking so badly the person next to me wonders if it's an earthquake.  My balance has improved (which for me is pretty awesome because there's a reason my mom didn't name me Grace).  I am down 4 lbs (although I credit that entirely to curbing the carbs after 2 pm and increasing protein intake). I am not bikini ready - but much less embarrassed to hang out at the kiddie pool in my tankini. 

I am aware that you need cardio to aggressively lose weight.  But, I loathe cardio. I get on the treadmill and am like "Woo Hoo!  Marathon of Storage Wars!"  I walk for an hour and burn only 150 calories because I will trip and fall if I'm going too fast watching Dave "YUUUUUP" everyone out of the unit they have their heart set on.  Though sometimes I watch old episodes of Las Vegas and see how gorgeous Vanessa Marcil is - so I kick up the walking a notch because she clearly uses her elliptical machine for more than laundry storage.

As for weight lifting - ew.  It makes me tired, whiny and give mean looks to all the people in the area.  Plus, it's supposed to bend my engagement ring and wedding band from all the massive amounts of weight I would totally be bench pressing. So, that's obviously out - don't want to destroy good platinum.

I'm more of a class person.  I need someone to tell me what to do, when and how to do it.  But, I also need it to be told to me calmly and nicely.  I tried Boot Camp and all that screaming at me just made me want to punch the teacher in the throat instead of doing my 1,000th burpee.  I can barely stay on the bike in spinning.  Plus, it makes my butt hurt.  I like step, but my gym only offers Step III which is WAAAAAAAAAY out of my workout grade as I spent more time tripping over the step than actually doing the beautiful choreography.  Barre workouts is really just a reason for people to look at my crotch in several mirrors while I try to fling my leg up there and tear my hamstring off.

So, I guess my pursuit for fitness via yoga will remain a point of contention in my house.   I will continue with regularity to go to my class. My husband will continue to tell me how wussy I am and that I need to get cardio and weight lifting to see any difference.  At least until I'm flexible enough to kick him in the face. Then I bet he thinks twice about insulting my awesome Karate Kid tendencies.

6 comments:

  1. Send him to an Ashtanga yoga class. That'll fix him!

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    1. Good idea - then he can kick his own ash!

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  2. LOL! Fun writing (and glad about the hair choice by the way :)
    After 40 years of practice I've had plenty of the "does yoga really do anything" convo as well. Sadly, I think the nature of systemic balance is just harder to quantify and far more subtle for most left brainers - kind of like trying to convince big business that the rain forest matters. Keep kicking baby!

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    1. Thanks Yokibics! I'm pretty sure I'll be in super model shape before too long and then he'll change his tune. ;) Thanks so much for reading!

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  3. I don't think I've ever heard someone describe why I don't work out as fabulously as you just did!! YES to all of it! And if you ever need a "watch tv while strolling on the treadmill" buddy, I mean a work out buddy, I'm your girl ;)

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    1. Done! Let me know when you're up for a marathon of House or something!

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