As a teacher, students constantly said to me: "I need a pencil." To which I responded something cheeky like: "And I need an iced coffee. What's your point?" After a few rounds of "And I need someone to pay off my AmEx bill" I finally said: "Or...you could say Señora Winslow, may I please have a pencil?"
Somewhere along the path of raising children with high self-esteem, a generation of entitled assholes was created. What started off as breeding strong children who believed in themselves, morphed into children who feel they are owed whatever they desire because they breathe in and out. Stephanie at Mommy, For Real wrote this open letter about parents losing control of their children and instead becoming doormats. It's not the exception either. Unfortunately it has become the norm.
Then political correctness emerged into parenting, school and sports. Everyone WINS! No more honor society awards nights because the kids that didn't get on the honor roll will feel badly. Oh, poor pumpkin didn't get a first place prize? Ok - no more keeping score! It might hurt their precious little eggshell feelings. Awww. Poow baby. Did you just REPRIMAND your child??? For shame! Let them discover right and wrong and learn only what they want to learn and do what they want to do when they feel like doing it. Manners? someone else will teach my child manners - unless it's telling them no. Because we don't tell Little PainInTheBalls "no".
But, you know what? THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE. When these kids get into college and then the real world they are going to get their asses handed to them. Or, they're going to end up on major depression/anxiety meds. Because there's always going to be someone who is better or smarter or more beautiful than you. You have to compete for jobs against real people and then PERFORM at them. You don't get paid just for showing up - regardless of how much your mommy told you that you are the bestest, cutest, mostest perfectest thing that has ever crawled out of a vagina. Guess what love, you are just a social security number in a sea of other Mama's cherubs. It takes WORK to stand out among the millions of people who have the exact same resume as you.
Your children should grow up to feel loved and secure. To know that no matter what they can turn to their parents for support. To understand and RESPECT others and their differences. And that as much as they may be the epicenter of their parent's world - they are NOT the apex of the human race. They are not going to be the best at everything. They may actually suck at some things AND THAT'S OK. Not every person can be a Bill Gates/ Mariah Carey/ Oprah/ Einstein/ Giselle Bundchen rolled into one package. If they could - then no one would be special. We'd all just be a bunch of beautiful, smart, compassionate, nerdy, supermodels - and it would be the norm. It's okay to say no when they ask if they are the smartest person that has ever graced Earth. And then help them to find their "thing" to excel at. And it's not up to teachers to train your child to have manners. THAT needs to come from home. Manners, respect, good behavior - all things that need to start being taught from birth - because if you wait until they're teenagers - IT'S TOO LATE.
I look at these birthday parties people are throwing for their children and think WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY GOING TO DO FOR MILESTONE EVENTS? Amy at Carriage Before Marriage wrote about a 1 year old birthday party/wedding. It probably cost more than my first car. Kids do not need 7,000,000 birthday gifts to feel loved. They just need to BE LOVED. And appreciated. And listened to - most of the time. (Sometimes they just need to be ignored like when they're having an epic meltdown in the middle of the grocery store because you are the MEANEST MOM EVER because you won't buy a box of Sugar Coated Crack). And, if you give your children a parade every time they do something like turn another year older or show up at the holidays - you are also making it difficult for your future adults. Because then they expect to be fawned over for every event - and most people will not measure up to these impossibly high standards - your pumpkin will be disappointed in getting a "normal" gift.
I am very aware that I could create a couple of assholes to unleash unto the world. We are extremely fortunate and are able to provide a lot more to my children than my parents were able to provide to me. And, like most kids, my girls ask for everything that crosses their line of vision. They "need" this and "want" that. Actually catering to every one of those whims will not only be ridiculous and unnecessary - it will be adding two more entitled jackasses to the population. I created a fictitious "birthday list". Every time they ask for something I say "I'll put it on the birthday list." Then on their birthday we take them to the store and they're allowed to pick out ONE gift. Not one million. Not one for every year they have graced our presence on Earth. One. Freakin. Gift.
Do they cry it's not fair? That they deserve more? Nope. Because they don't deserve more. As parents we are required to provide love, food, shelter, clothing, education - all the basic necessities. We are NOT required to put an iPad in every child's hand or a buy a treat for them every time we enter a store.
Am I saying that I am the best mom on Earth raising the best kids on Earth? Oh HELL NO. I struggle with parenting every single darn day. But I do know that my job as a parent is to try to put the best people I can out into the universe to make the world a better place. Yes, you want to give your children all you can - but don't do it at the expense of their futures. Because entitlement doesn't help them in the real world - but creating respectful, hardworking, contributing members of society will take them everywhere they want to go.
Somewhere along the path of raising children with high self-esteem, a generation of entitled assholes was created. What started off as breeding strong children who believed in themselves, morphed into children who feel they are owed whatever they desire because they breathe in and out. Stephanie at Mommy, For Real wrote this open letter about parents losing control of their children and instead becoming doormats. It's not the exception either. Unfortunately it has become the norm.
Then political correctness emerged into parenting, school and sports. Everyone WINS! No more honor society awards nights because the kids that didn't get on the honor roll will feel badly. Oh, poor pumpkin didn't get a first place prize? Ok - no more keeping score! It might hurt their precious little eggshell feelings. Awww. Poow baby. Did you just REPRIMAND your child??? For shame! Let them discover right and wrong and learn only what they want to learn and do what they want to do when they feel like doing it. Manners? someone else will teach my child manners - unless it's telling them no. Because we don't tell Little PainInTheBalls "no".
But, you know what? THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE. When these kids get into college and then the real world they are going to get their asses handed to them. Or, they're going to end up on major depression/anxiety meds. Because there's always going to be someone who is better or smarter or more beautiful than you. You have to compete for jobs against real people and then PERFORM at them. You don't get paid just for showing up - regardless of how much your mommy told you that you are the bestest, cutest, mostest perfectest thing that has ever crawled out of a vagina. Guess what love, you are just a social security number in a sea of other Mama's cherubs. It takes WORK to stand out among the millions of people who have the exact same resume as you.
Your children should grow up to feel loved and secure. To know that no matter what they can turn to their parents for support. To understand and RESPECT others and their differences. And that as much as they may be the epicenter of their parent's world - they are NOT the apex of the human race. They are not going to be the best at everything. They may actually suck at some things AND THAT'S OK. Not every person can be a Bill Gates/ Mariah Carey/ Oprah/ Einstein/ Giselle Bundchen rolled into one package. If they could - then no one would be special. We'd all just be a bunch of beautiful, smart, compassionate, nerdy, supermodels - and it would be the norm. It's okay to say no when they ask if they are the smartest person that has ever graced Earth. And then help them to find their "thing" to excel at. And it's not up to teachers to train your child to have manners. THAT needs to come from home. Manners, respect, good behavior - all things that need to start being taught from birth - because if you wait until they're teenagers - IT'S TOO LATE.
I look at these birthday parties people are throwing for their children and think WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY GOING TO DO FOR MILESTONE EVENTS? Amy at Carriage Before Marriage wrote about a 1 year old birthday party/wedding. It probably cost more than my first car. Kids do not need 7,000,000 birthday gifts to feel loved. They just need to BE LOVED. And appreciated. And listened to - most of the time. (Sometimes they just need to be ignored like when they're having an epic meltdown in the middle of the grocery store because you are the MEANEST MOM EVER because you won't buy a box of Sugar Coated Crack). And, if you give your children a parade every time they do something like turn another year older or show up at the holidays - you are also making it difficult for your future adults. Because then they expect to be fawned over for every event - and most people will not measure up to these impossibly high standards - your pumpkin will be disappointed in getting a "normal" gift.
I am very aware that I could create a couple of assholes to unleash unto the world. We are extremely fortunate and are able to provide a lot more to my children than my parents were able to provide to me. And, like most kids, my girls ask for everything that crosses their line of vision. They "need" this and "want" that. Actually catering to every one of those whims will not only be ridiculous and unnecessary - it will be adding two more entitled jackasses to the population. I created a fictitious "birthday list". Every time they ask for something I say "I'll put it on the birthday list." Then on their birthday we take them to the store and they're allowed to pick out ONE gift. Not one million. Not one for every year they have graced our presence on Earth. One. Freakin. Gift.
Do they cry it's not fair? That they deserve more? Nope. Because they don't deserve more. As parents we are required to provide love, food, shelter, clothing, education - all the basic necessities. We are NOT required to put an iPad in every child's hand or a buy a treat for them every time we enter a store.
Am I saying that I am the best mom on Earth raising the best kids on Earth? Oh HELL NO. I struggle with parenting every single darn day. But I do know that my job as a parent is to try to put the best people I can out into the universe to make the world a better place. Yes, you want to give your children all you can - but don't do it at the expense of their futures. Because entitlement doesn't help them in the real world - but creating respectful, hardworking, contributing members of society will take them everywhere they want to go.
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